Its been exactly 1 month today Feb. 24 - March 24, 2018, That I gave birth to my first child and is a stillbirth of 19 weeks and 5 days. She was born with Full trisomy 18 and we lost her.
When I received the call from my midwife on Jan. 26, 2018 , My world went upside down. My Midwife informed me that my 12 week fetus has a high risk of Trisomy 18, according to my NIPT test ( Non Invasive Prenatal Screening Test).
NIPT test ( Non Invasive Prenatal Screening Test). This screening test is recommended to pregnant women, specially to those who age 35 and above.
Feb 6 , I had an amniocentesis prenatal diagnostic to verify the NIPT Test. Amniocentesis, a process in which amniotic fluid is sampled using a hollow needle inserted into the uterus, to test diagnostically for abnormalities in the developing fetus. 48 hours after, Feb. 8 Doctors Confirmed that my fetus has full trisomy 18. Me and my husband and family are devastated. Our Full of excitement turned into pain, fear and sadness.
Trisomy 18- Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards syndrome, is a condition which is caused by a error in cell division, known as meiotic disjunction. When this happens, instead of the normal pair, an extra chromosome 18 results (a triple) in the developing baby and disrupts the normal pattern of development in significant ways that can be life-threatening, even before birth. A Trisomy 18 error occurs in about 1 out of every 2500 pregnancies in the United States and 1 in 6000 live births. The numbers of total births is much higher because it includes significant numbers of stillbirths that occur in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy. Individuals with trisomy 18 often have slow growth before birth (intrauterine growth retardation) and a low birth weight. Affected individuals may have heart defects and abnormalities of other organs that develop before birth. Other features of trisomy 18 include a small, abnormally shaped head; a small jaw and mouth; and clenched fists with overlapping fingers due to the presence of several life-threatening medical problems, many individuals with trisomy 18 die before birth or within their first month. 5 to 10 % of children with this condition live past their first year.
Sleepless nights thinking on what to do and so many other questions and thoughts. Pondering, feeling, connecting with the baby. Asking on what could be the best decision.
Thoughts, Mental impressions fleeting, Emotions changing, Tingling sensations, heart beats, then sound of breaths- Inhaling Exhaling..Felt nothing and yet everything. Subtleties of energy. Energy inside me, Two Polar opposites. Surrendering to the process of the here and now
In Awe of the birthing process. I did not know what to expect and I did not expect to give birth this soon. So I felt fear and after the whole process I felt magic and a lot of emotion but most specially pain of separation and part of me died.
Right now, slowly healing and getting back my energy. All is well. Trusting the journey. Allowing it to be, accepting and embracing the process of the experience. And Transmuting my Fear and Suffering into joy and just by being.
A visitor from Heavens
A Visitor from heavens, if only for a while A gift of love to be returned. We think of you and smile.
A Visitor from heavens, Accompanied by grace. Reminding of a better love and a better place. With Aching hearts and empty arms. We send you Angèle Lalitha Grace. It hurts so much to let you go, but we're so glad you came. We thank the divine for the short time was given, and now its time to say, we trust you to the Divine tender care. Held in the everlasting arms. With breaking Hearts and open hands, It hurts so much to let you go but we're so glad you came. You gave us a lot of joy even if it lasted so short. We want to spare you from suffering and pain. We are sending you to Angels, Fairies and Good Spirit of our Ancestors. You won't be alone. We will always remember your sweet, gentle energy and never forget your soul. Our hearts are joined together.
Hello Good Bye!
You and I have barely met
And I just dont want to let go of you yet.
I'll see you on the other side, Sweet child of mine.
I'll see you on the other side.
And I hold your tiny hand in mine, for the hardest thing I've ever had to face.
Heaven calls for you before it calls me
When you get there save me a place.
A place where I can share your smile.
And I can hold you for more than just a while.
Hello goodbye, I'll see you on the other side.